Three good friends

Three good friends

Linda first met Alan in the corridor of the College of Arts building.

That day, she came down the stairs with a stack of books in her arms and bumped into someone at the corner. Books were scattered all over the floor. She squatted down to pick them up, and so did the other person. She looked up and said sorry, seeing a pair of very clean eyes.

"It's okay." He handed her the book and asked, "Are you from the Chinese department?"

"Um." And you?"

"History Department." " He smiled and said, "Next door."

Later, Linda learned that his name was Alan, a year older than her, and he lived in Building 15. He liked to have breakfast by the window in the third cafeteria and would go to the self-study room on the east side of the third floor of the library every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon.

She knew this because she began to pay attention to him. On the way to class, I would deliberately pass by the teaching building of the history Department. When having meals, I would choose a seat with a view of the Windows of the third cafeteria. When going to the library, I would walk around to the east side of the third floor.

She has never talked to him.

After that collision, they met a few more times in the cafeteria, a few more times in the library, and a few more times on the school's paulownia path. Each time, it's just a nod, a smile, and a passing encounter.

Linda kept these encounters in her heart, saving them one by one like coins. After the lights are turned off at night, I lie in bed and count.

"Why are you grinning foolishly every day?" " Zhou Xiaotong, who was on the opposite bed, asked.

"Nothing."

"Come on." " Zhou Xiaotong rolled over and leaned her face out of the mosquito net. "Did you have a crush on someone?" "

Linda didn't speak.

Zhou Xiaotong is her roommate and also her best friend. Since they were assigned to the same dormitory in their freshman year, the two have been inseparable. We went to the cafeteria together, to the library together, skipped classes together to watch a movie, and stayed up all night reviewing before the final exam together. Zhou Xiaotong is outgoing while Linda is introverted. They complement each other perfectly.

"Come on." " Zhou Xiaotong climbed out of bed and squeezed to her bedside. "Who?" Which department?"

Linda hesitated for a moment and whispered, "From the history department." It's called Alan.

"Alan?" Zhou Xiaotong's eyes lit up. "That guy is quite handsome?" Wearing glasses makes you look good when you smile?"

How do you know?

"I've seen it too." " Zhou Xiaotong smiled ambiguously, "So you like him." How long have you liked it?

"About half a year." " Linda said, "I don't know if I like it or not."

"Calculate." " Zhou Xiaotong patted her, "It definitely counts." So did you confess your love?"

"No."

"Why?"

Linda rolled over, facing the wall.

"What if I refuse?" "

Zhou Xiaotong was silent for a while.

"You can't do this." " She said, "If you like someone, you should say it. Who knows if you don't?" What if he likes you too?

What if you don't like it?

"That's better than holding it in." " Zhou Xiaotong said, "How about I go and ask for you?"

"No." Linda hurriedly said, "Never."

Zhou Xiaotong said no more and lay back on her own bed.

Linda thought the matter was over.

Half a month later, Linda saw Alan and Zhou Xiaotong sitting together in the cafeteria.

Two people were facing each other, each holding a plate, chatting while eating. Zhou Xiaotong laughed loudly. Alan lowered his head, his ears a little red.

Linda stood still, holding her plate, not knowing whether to go over or leave.

Zhou Xiaotong looked up and saw her, waving at her: "Linda!" Here!"

Linda walked over and sat down beside them.

"I just told Alan," Zhou Xiaotong said with a smile, "Everyone in our dormitory thinks he's handsome."

Alan's ears turned even redder.

"Don't talk nonsense." " He whispered.

"I'm not talking nonsense." Zhou Xiaotong looked at Linda, "Right, Linda?"

Linda smiled but said nothing.

That night when she returned to the dormitory, Zhou Xiaotong told her, "I checked on you today." "

Linda was taken aback: "What?" "

"Alan." Zhou Xiaotong said while removing her makeup, "I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said no." I asked him what he thought about dating, and he said it all depends on fate. I think there's a chance."

Linda was a little confused.

"How did you ask?" "

"Just chat casually." " Zhou Xiaotong said, "I get along quite well with him." I have also taken a few classes in the history department. It so happened that we had common topics to talk about.

Linda wanted to say something, but she didn't.

"Don't worry," Zhou Xiaotong looked at her in the mirror. "I'll help you get in touch more and figure out exactly what kind of person he likes." "

Linda wanted to say no, that she would do it herself, but seeing Zhou Xiaotong's enthusiastic look, the words were on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them back.

In the following weeks, Zhou Xiaotong and Alan met more and more often.

At first, we met by chance in the cafeteria. Later, we made an appointment to go to the library together. And then, we went to watch a movie together on weekends. Every time Zhou Xiaotong comes back, she would report the progress to Linda, saying what he wore today, what he said, what movies he likes and what teachers he dislikes.

Linda listened, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in her heart.

She couldn't describe exactly how she felt. It's like someone tasted a dish you've always wanted to eat for you and then came back to tell you how it tasted. You are grateful, but at the same time, you feel something is not right.

"You two get along quite well." " One time she couldn't help saying.

Zhou Xiaotong was stunned for a moment, then smiled.

"Not bad." " She said, "I think he's quite interesting." Don't worry. It's all for you.

Linda nodded.

Another two weeks passed.

That afternoon, Linda was studying in the library. Zhou Xiaotong sent a wechat message: "Where are you?"

Linda replied: The library.

Zhou Xiaotong: I'm here to see you.

Ten minutes later, Zhou Xiaotong appeared at the door of the self-study room. There was an expression on her face that Linda had never seen before - excited, nervous and a little at a loss.

What's wrong? Linda went out to ask.

Zhou Xiaotong pulled her to the end of the corridor.

"Linda," she took a deep breath, "I have something to tell you."

What's the matter?

"I..." Zhou Xiaotong bit her lip and said, "I confessed my love to Alan."

Linda froze.

What did you say?

"Just today." " Zhou Xiaotong said quickly, "Let's have a meal together. While chatting, I said something." I don't know how I said it either. I just couldn't hold back. Linda, I'm sorry. I know you like him, but I...

What did he say? Linda interrupted her.

Zhou Xiaotong lowered her head.

"He said yes." "

The corridor is very quiet. Someone was reciting books in the distance, buzzing and buzzing, making it impossible to hear the content clearly.

Linda stood there, looking at Zhou Xiaotong. Her good friend, her best friend, the person she tells her everything.

"Linda," Zhou Xiaotong raised her head, her eyes a little red, "Will you blame me?"

Linda opened her mouth but said nothing.

I really didn't mean it. Zhou Xiaotong said, "It's just..." As time went by, I fell in love with it. I can't control it either. If you blame me, I understand."

Linda still didn't speak.

After a while, she said, "It's okay."

Zhou Xiaotong looked at her.

"Really okay?" "

"Really."

Linda smiled, as usual.

Wish you happiness.

After that, life became very strange.

Zhou Xiaotong still went to the cafeteria, the library and chatted in the dormitory with Linda as before. But the difference is that Alan will join them now.

Three people have meals together, three people study by themselves together, and three people take walks on campus together.

Zhou Xiaotong was walking in the middle, with Alan on her left and Linda on her right. She held Alan's arm, turned her head and talked to Linda, chatting and laughing as if nothing had changed.

But Linda knew she had changed.

She saw Alan serving food to Zhou Xiaotong, saw Zhou Xiaotong leaning on his shoulder, and saw them holding hands. Every time I see it, it feels as if something is gently pricking my heart.

It doesn't hurt, but it keeps pricking.

She began to hide.

I'm not feeling well today. I'm not going to have dinner. I have homework to finish tomorrow, so I won't go to the self-study class. There's something going on in the club the day after tomorrow. You guys have fun.

Zhou Xiaotong always asks, "Are you really okay?"

Linda said, "It's okay. You go."

Then I stayed alone in the dormitory, lost in thought while listening to the footsteps in the corridor.

One night, she was taking a walk alone on the playground. As she was walking, she heard someone calling her.

"Linda."

She turned around and saw Alan standing by the runway.

Why are you here? She asked.

"Take a walk." " He said, "Xiaotong is working on her thesis in the library. I'll go out for a walk by myself."

Linda nodded, not knowing what to say.

The two walked side by side for a while without saying a word.

"Why haven't you eaten with us recently?" " Alan asked.

"A little busy." "

"Really?" "

He glanced at her. The light from the street lamp shone on his face, and those eyes were still so clean.

"Linda," he said, "don't you like me?"

Linda's heart gave a jolt.

"No." She said, "How could that be?"

"That's good." Alan said, "I thought you hated me."

"No."

I walked a bit further.

"Xiaotong told me," Alan suddenly said, "You liked me from the very beginning."

Linda paused for a moment.

"Really?" "

"Um." " He said, "She said you didn't dare to confess your feelings, so she went to spy on you." "Exploring and exploring, just..."

He didn't finish.

Linda didn't speak.

I don't know what to say either. Alan said, "She's fine. I quite like her." But you... I too..."

He stopped and looked at her.

Linda, do you like me too?

Linda stood there, and the wind on the playground blew through between them, carrying the smell of a plastic track.

She wanted to say no, to say that you were overthinking it, and to smile and say, "How could that be? Xiaotong and I are best friends."

But she said nothing.

"I see." " Alan said.

He turned and left.

That night, Linda couldn't sleep.

She recalled the corner where she first met Alan, the stack of books scattered all over the floor, the words "It's okay", and the hand he held when he handed over the books.

She recalled every encounter she had accumulated over the past six months and the coins she had counted in bed after the lights were turned off.

She recalled the expression on Zhou Xiaotong's face when she said, "Let me check your breath," the expression on her face when she said, "I confessed my love to him," and the expression on her face when she said, "Will you blame me?"

She didn't figure anything out.

The next day, Zhou Xiaotong didn't talk to her.

On the third day, he didn't say anything either.

On the fourth night, Zhou Xiaotong came back from outside, looking very pale.

"Linda," she said, "come out for a moment."

The two walked to the end of the corridor, which was the place where Zhou Xiaotong had confessed her love to her that day.

Alan broke up with me. Zhou Xiaotong said.

Linda's heart sank.

"Why?"

Zhou Xiaotong looked at her, her eyes red.

He said he had fallen in love with someone else.

Linda didn't speak.

Do you know who it is? Zhou Xiaotong asked.

Linda still didn't speak.

It's you. Zhou Xiaotong's voice trembled. "He said it was you."

The corridor is very quiet. Someone was on the phone in the distance. The voice was so low that it was hard to make out what they were saying.

What did you do with him? Zhou Xiaotong asked.

"Nothing was done." " Linda said.

Then why does he like you?

"I don't know." "

"Don't you know?" Zhou Xiaotong smiled and tears began to fall. "Linda, I'll share everything with you. My boyfriend will share with you too. We'll have meals together, study together and take walks together." And you? What are you doing on my back?

"I really did nothing." " Linda said, "I met him on the playground just a few days ago and had a few words with him."

What did you say?

Linda thought for a moment.

He asked me if I liked him.

And then?

"I didn't answer."

Zhou Xiaotong looked at her, tears streaming down her face.

"Linda," she said, "I consider you my best friend."

You are also my best friend. Linda said.

Then why did you do this?

Linda opened her mouth, not knowing how to respond.

She wanted to say that it wasn't me who made him like me, to say that I really did nothing, to say that I never thought of taking him away, to say that I said nothing that night.

But she knew that all these words were of no use.

Some things are not a matter of whether you have done them or not. It is your very existence that is already a problem.

"Forget it." " Zhou Xiaotong wiped away her tears and said, "No more talk."

She turned and left.

Since then, the atmosphere in the dormitory has changed.

Zhou Xiaotong still talked to Linda, but only for necessary communication. "The lights are off." " There are classes tomorrow. "Can I use the water card for a moment?" " Like two not-so-close roommates, polite yet distant.

Linda tried to apologize, but Zhou Xiaotong just smiled and said, "Why apologize?" You haven't done anything wrong.

But that smile was no longer the same as before.

Alan has come to see Linda several times. Wait downstairs, send wechat messages or make phone calls. Linda didn't even reply.

She didn't know how to face him. I don't know how to face Zhou Xiaotong either. I have no idea how to face myself either.

Sometimes she wonders, if she had confessed her love back then, what would have been the outcome?

Perhaps it will be rejected. Perhaps I wasn't rejected. Perhaps they are together. Perhaps they will break up soon. Anyway, at least it won't be like this.

Three people, two lines, one knot that can never be untied.

At the end of the term, Zhou Xiaotong moved out of the dormitory. She said she rented a house outside for the convenience of her internship.

On the day of the move, Linda helped her pack up her things. The two of them silently packed the suitcase, folded the clothes and put the books one by one into the suitcase. No one spoke.

After tidying up, Zhou Xiaotong stood at the door, carrying two big suitcases.

"Linda," she said, "I'm leaving."

Linda nodded.

"Take care." "

Zhou Xiaotong looked at her, her lips moving slightly as if she wanted to say something.

In the end, she said nothing and turned to leave.

The sound of the door closing was very soft, but Linda felt the whole dormitory shake.

She stood alone in the half-empty room, looking at Zhou Xiaotong's empty bed. There was still a note on the bed board, which probably fell out when tidying up.

She walked over and picked it up.

The above is Zhou Xiaotong's handwriting

Linda, I really regret it. It's not that I regret confessing my love to him, but that I regret not having noticed earlier that you liked him too. If I had encouraged you to confess your love back then instead of doing it yourself, would it have been different?

Forget it. Let's not talk about this anymore.

You are my best friend, and always will be.

At the end of the note, a few words were crossed out, making it hard to read what was written.

Linda folded the note and put it in the drawer.

Someone is playing basketball outside the window. Bang, bang, bang, tap, tap.

She stood there, listening to that voice for a very long time.

Later, she heard that Alan had gone to pursue a postgraduate degree in another place, while Zhou Xiaotong stayed in this city to work. The three people never met again.

Sometimes when Linda couldn't sleep at night, she would still recall that corner, that stack of books scattered all over the floor, and that phrase "It's okay."

She recalled the encounters she had accumulated for half a year, and the coins she had counted after the lights were turned off.

She recalled Zhou Xiaotong's shining eyes when she said, "Let me check your breath for you," and the excited yet guilty expression on her face when she said, "I confessed my love to him."

She recalled the night when Alan asked on the playground, "Do you like me too?" and the night when she said nothing.

She recalled that at the end of the dormitory corridor, Zhou Xiaotong, with tears in her eyes, asked, "Then why did you do this?"

She thought for a long time but still couldn't figure it out.

Perhaps there is no answer at all.

Some things, once they happen, just happen; some people, once they drift apart, just drift apart. You can't blame anyone, nor can you make amends.

Only occasionally in the dead of night can I think of it, sigh, then turn over and go back to sleep.

Just like a pebble thrown into water, once it sinks, it will never float up again.

But the ripples on the water surface always take a very long time to dissipate.